Ditch the Resolutions and Do This Instead
/Happy New Year!
For many of us, the New Year brings a fresh start — an opportunity to get a new outlook on life, to become an improved version of us. But it also brings a predictable flood of hyped up media messages and “no-fail” plans that fail to deliver and leave you feeling deflated.
So today, I want to share some different perspectives on New Year’s Resolutions with you.
Your Feelings of Inadequacy
In my 20’s I followed the mainstream resolution advice to give up my favorite treat, chocolate, and/or to lose X pounds. I felt like this is what I needed to do to fit in and to be loved. Mind you, I didn’t need to lose weight! I was a size 4, already worked out 5 days a week, watched what I ate and drank, but yet I still felt my less than size 2 body was inadequate and the only way to be loved was in a size 0.
This is what the media and the weight loss industry thrives off of…. Our feelings of inadequacy. In the middle of the holiday season, after we’ve been indulging in sweets and drinks, and staying up late at social gatherings, it’s natural to feel sluggish and crummy. These industries know human psychology inside and out and use this to their advantage to throw our feelings of inadequacy back at us. The less we love ourselves, the more likely we’ll purchase their diet products, purchase that gym equipment we’ll never use, or have expensive procedures done.
Buying into the campaigns “get your best body ever!” or “you’ll have your best year!” fuels magical and unrealistic hopes that this year is going to be different. Instead, focus on loving yourself AS YOU ARE while slowly and gracefully working on becoming who you want to be!
Habits vs. Overhauls
Beginning in my mid 30’s I began setting realistic GOALS for the new year. They progressed from wanting to be skinny (a desire for external approval) to wanting to be healthy and happy (self love). I wanted to instill healthier habits within my life. Healthy habits are created by setting small and sustainable goals. And to make them truly stick, it’s best to do them with someone else. So, together with my husband, we set the following goals together:
Floss our teeth 3 times per week. We chose the days and held to it!
Eat at the dinner table together 3 nights per week. We chose the nights we'd make it happen.
They weren’t anything crazy or intense. Instead, they were simple, practical and realistic… and what we didn’t know, they were much needed! After 6 months of continuing to follow through on our goals, we realized we began doing these things every day. How did this happen? We connected to what we really enjoyed about these habits. We connected to how they made us feel as individuals and as a couple. Flossing my teeth every day made my mouth feel so much cleaner and I could feel (mentally and physically) a difference when I didn’t do it. Eating at the dinner table together brought us closer together. Instead of ignoring each other while watching a show, we actually engaged in each other’s company over a nutritious home cooked meal.
You have the rest of your life to improve yourself. Instead of trying to overhaul everything all at once and it ending up backfiring, take it slow. Focus on adding choices into your day vs. cutting things out. Remind yourself that it’s the little choices you make consistently that creates your future.
Align Being with Doing
My New Year’s Resolution is looking quite a bit different the last couple of years. Instead of setting resolutions or goals, I’ve now moved onto setting intentions.
Here's why: Resolutions imply an all or nothing mentality. It means you either do it or you don't. There's no wiggle room. And if you mess up, then you've "failed." It's a lot of pressure and it leads to stress, low confidence, self doubt and lack of self trust in your abilities to follow through. Goals are a step up from resolutions, however, you often forget to connect to what emotion the goal is trying to achieve. It’s not the actual goal you want to accomplish, rather, it’s the feeling you want to experience. Perhaps it’s a feeling of accomplishment, confidence, lightness, energy, etc. Goals are always more attainable when you connect to WHY you want to achieve them.
Intentions on the other hand, are a way of BEING rather than doing. You are a humanBEING - you are meant to be and feel, more than you’re meant to ‘do.’ Intentions are your guide to how you want to BE while you take action on your goals. They take on the role of the driving force behind your actions and ultimately what goals are in alignment with who you want to be.
For instance, I want to be more in the flow of allowing what is unfolding vs pushing and forcing something I think “should” be. I want to be more present and intuitive with my business. How do I do that? I’m going to focus on slowing down by not multitasking, by taking my time with projects, by carving out time to practice gratitude throughout the day, by making time to pause and breathe. I’m going to be open to seeing what the Universe is presenting in front of me and seize the opportunities. This way of being is actionable, gentle, and tangible!
When you combine more being with doing in a mindful and compassionate way, you will experience your true magic.
The Truth Will Set You Free
“You gotta BE before you can do, and you gotta do before you can have.” ~Zig Ziglar
The truth about who you are now and who you want to be will help guide your actions throughout the new year. The most important thing we can do is to love ourselves and be loved for who we really are.
I’ve laid out some questions to help you discover what intentions you’d like to create for yourself in 2022.
What type of person are you? Name 3 of the highest values that define who you are.
Name 3 people that inspire you. What qualities do they have? How can you be those same qualities?
What are 3 things that bring you peace, joy, wellbeing, presence? Make sure to do these every day!
What are physical things that light up your soul (ex. Flowers, types of clothes, music, colors, etc). Bring these in each day!
Who do you want to be?
If money wasn’t an object, what would you do?
If you weren’t afraid, what would you do?
Would you still be in the business or industry you currently are in? Why/why not?
What do you do to serve others?
What is one surprising thing you really want to do?
What are 3 things you’d like to accomplish within the next 12 months?
What tools/resources/support do you need to help you get there?
Last step, start making an action plan to incorporate your responses into your life! This is how you align being and doing - this is intention and manifesting in action! Knowing your truth will set you free!
Happy 2022!